Currently Listening Elevator By Hot Hot Heat see related

.Reason.

In a strange way, he made sense during the drunken stupor. We all look for it, don't we? The answer to why we're doing what we all inevitably do, day after day. That's what I've been trying to find all these years, and I didn't even notice it.

Makes sense now...

Whenever someone new or something interesting happens in my life, I take hold of it way to deeply.

I see now that I do this because I'm searching for the reason to get up every morning.

Searching for that one and only truth that'll allow me to have some sense of peace of mind.

I don't hurt because I miss certain people. I miss the reason that came attached, even if I only scarcely feel it at all. This is a real kicker because it tells me I'm not really the "lovesick puppy" I've always seen my self as.

It's funny... Almost like when you look to closely at a painting; you can't see the picture as a whole and the full effect isn't there. But stand too far away, and the details can't be seen.

If you stand just the right way, everything comes together and at lest 'starts' to make sense.

Damn, have I changed sense the moved from Euless...

ps.

I know you don't read this anymore, Jessica..  But I wanted to say how God damned sorry I am for everything I did to you last year.   Maybe one day I'll be given the chance to tell you why I was such an asshole back then.   I've been thinking about you a lot lately.   I haven't the slightest idea what made me start, but sense it started it hasn't slowed.
I'm not stupid enough to think that you can forgive me, but I still wanted you to know that I never forgave 'my self,' and I've been hurting because of it.  (And rightfully so.)

Anyhow, I never come onto this place anymore...

If you ever feel like yelling at me, or whatever, please call or message me on my cell or myspace.

www.myspace.com/imaginationtheater

Currently Listening Volcano By Damien Rice see related

Emo-ish post. So sue me,

Haven't been here in a while.

Just as well though...  I don't like to write down too much anymore.

Thing've been crushed between me and Helen and it hurts like hell.

Fuck me sideways...

Total relapse.  What does it mean?

For me it means when I 'think' I'm doing okay when something small and subtle show's me just how WRONG I am.
It's not unlike an elevator speeding to the top of a building when *SNAP* I'm sent hurdling down to my untimely demise.
Damn it to hell, I really thought I was doing fantastic this time around.

And you know, I've found that it happens most when I'm just about to fall a sleep or soon there after.
I recall last night me fading into dream land... I slowly started to feel a horrible pressure on my chest and neck.  I'll be damned if I didn't start to tear up lying there.

It's this very feeling why I hate relationships and why at the beginning of this particular one, I doubted whither or not I should pursue it.
I don't think it would have hit me like this if I had been honest with my self throughout it's duration. 
Maybe if I hadn't of lied to my self by saying I wasn't getting hurt like I was and still am.

...Blah...

Total relapse.  What does it mean?

I'd like to kill, Mother.

I dare say this is why I'd like to have my own place.   When someone, ie Patch Bunny, need's somewhere to stay, I'd be able to take Her in.

I'm not even going to start talking about what happened between She and Her Parents.  But what happened left me with a strong urge to smash their heads in.    At the very lest She has somewhere to go and I don't have to worry about where She is.

Currently Listening Chapter 1 The Sandworm Cometh: Early Recordings By My Morning Jacket see related

Grumbe.... I say Grumble....

You know that feeling you get when so much has happened and you can't seem to get it all out?  I hate that feeling.

I have so much I want to say.
So much I want to write about.
So much I want to yell. To scream and cause a panic in all those around me just for the sake of it.

So word to the wise, don't read any farther if you dislike hearing of others problems.

I can't help but think that because of my upbringing, the lessons I would have needed to get through everyday life were never learned. Thus, leaving me in situations that might make normal People tear up with laughter at my stupidity and ignorance.
(Wow, look at me with all my self pitty. How does it fit?)

I really couldn't say what's making me so volatile at the moment... I wish I could. Maybe it has to do with withholding a lot of feelings.  Damn me and the like.
All I know is that I really need to do something that would take my mind off of current situations.

It secretly angers me off that no One seems to want to hire me.
And I can't lie... What if it's because I don't have a diploma?
Blah!  I think I just need to vent.  Big time at that.